


It is what it is

by MikelAgerra



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Family Problems, Famous Harry, Gay Harry, Gay Male Character, Gay Rights, LGBTQ Themes, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, Tears, Trauma, University Student Harry, University Student Louis, roomate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-11-03
Packaged: 2018-08-15 08:49:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8049922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MikelAgerra/pseuds/MikelAgerra
Summary: Louis Tomlinson is not your average university student. He works incredibly hard, and a burning passion to succeed in life, no matter what the cost. He has a point to prove.What happens when he is has to share his room with someone who does not see things his way?





	1. 01

**Author's Note:**

> AN: Louis and Harry both do not have any couple tattoos. Louis does not have tattoos at all where as harry has the ones that are not linked to larry stylinson, eg: A for his mother's name, the cross on his hand etc. 
> 
> @__louisandharry_ on instagam.  
> @mikelagerra on wattpad
> 
> Happy Reading!

“Please do something about it, im begging you.” Louis said pointing to the paper he just kept on her desk.  
She read it and shook her head slowly, “I am so sorry Mr.Tomlinson but there is nothing I can do about it. You have reached your quota and there is literally nothing I can do about it.”  
“You said something similar last time but you made it work at the end!” he was whisper-shouting.  
“And because of that you have no idea what consequences I had to face. I am sorry, but I cannot risk my job another time. Plus there is no valid reason for you to file such a petition anyway.”  
“NO VALID REASON? No valid reason? I have jotted down all the reasons point by point!”  
She glanced at the paper and read aloud, “Point one. Wakes up at four in the morning. Point two. Disturbs my private space by talking to me at unnecessary times. Point three. Distracting me by his outrageous flamboyancy. Point four. Always cleaning the room without my permission… Need I go on?”  
“These are all valid points! You are required to cater to all the students requirements related to housing and accommodations. If you don’t help me, if you do not change my roommate I will personally take this matter up with the Dean and I do not know how that will help you in keeping your job secure.”  
She looked at him with the same expression, but she took the paper and put it in her file, “I will see what I can do.”  
Louis gave her a look, “You better. Its enough that I have to put on with him.” And he turned around and left.


	2. 02

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Details:  
> ROOM SETTING  
> (facing the wall opposite the entrance door)  
> The wall on your right hand side, the sequence is :  
> Harry's cupboard, study desk, bed, Louis' bed, study desk, cupboard.  
> Harry's bed and Louis' bed is separated by a distance of approximately six feet.  
> (Harry has converted his study desk into a place where he can get ready, i.e. with a mirror and lights and his perfumes and makeup and other paraphernalia)

Harry was walking in the limited space of his room trying to memorize the speech by heart. He was nervous and it was very evident. Just then the door opened and Louis walked in. he closed the door with a loud bang and Harry flinched.  
“How did the meeting go?”  
Louis looked at harry, rocking on the balls of his feet, wearing his usual tight black jeans, and a white shirt, buttons undone, hair wrapped in a towel on top of his head. Looking away, he hissed, “It doesn’t concern you.”  
Louis sat on the bed and undid the laces of his converse when harry spoke up, “I still hope it was a successful one.” After that Louis could hear harry’s feet shuffling, could feel him walking, pacing, could feel that he was nervous about something, but he did not open his mouth. Louis just lay on his bed, stomach down, trying to block out Harry.  
It wasn’t possible.  
Louis sat up straight with an exasperated sigh, “What are you doing?”  
Harry froze mid-step, “I-I’m sorry. Didn’t know I was disturbing you.”  
“Can you jus- What are you doing? Why are you pacing like a mad moron?”  
Harry shook his head and looked at his bed, Louis followed, seeing papers strewn all over it. “What are the papers for? You have a test?”  
“No. No.. no test.”  
“Then WHAT?” Louis patience was running dry.  
“uh- I-I umm. I have to give a speech at this thing, meeting. No, not meeting per say, but like a gathering. Umm, I don’t exactly know what it is, but yea, I have to give a speech at this event and I’m not like, not , not exactly ready, or confident about it. I don’t know, I’m forgetting everything, the lines, what comes after what. I-I’m just nervous, sorry.”  
Louis looked at Harry again, running a hand through his hair he spoke, “I’ve seen you win extempore debates on the most bizarre topics that could ever be thought of, and this..” he motioned to harry’s bed, at all the papers, before continuing, “This is a speech, that you have researched all about, I’m assuming of course, but you seem like you have done your research, you know what you are going to talk about, and you know your stuff, no one is going to even contest you. Just read it once more, and go with the fucking flow! I don’t know why you are making such a big deal out of this. You are insane, and I was right, you are a moron for worrying and getting nervous about such a thing as a speech, because I know you can do that shit in your bloody sleep. So stop pacing, stop thinking, stop fretting, stop giving me a bloody ridiculous headache, and.. and just, I don’t know.. Do you fucking hair with tho-those lavender, jasmine shit that you apply all the fucking time, and wear you goddamn boots and get going.”  
Louis looked at harry with a sigh, and fell back into his bed, shifting to get comfortable, muttering, “I cant believe I spoke for so long. Idiot.” Louis turned away, so that his back was facing Harry, yet he still heard Harry buttoning his white shirt, knowing he’d leave the top three open, he heard when Harry picked up his perfume and sprayed it over his neck and behind his ear, he heard harry taking off the towel and folding it on top of his bed.  
He heard Harry shuffling the papers from his bed, “The event, It’s going to be telecasted live on channel 32, if you’re interested that is.”  
Harry took the papers and put it in his brown file and opened the door, “Louis? Thank you.”  
“Fuck off, please.”  
Harry smiled before shutting the door close behind him softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTACT INFORMATION  
> @__louisandharry_ on instagram  
> mikelagerra@hotmail.com


	3. 03

Harry got down from the stage, smiling broadly. As soon as he got down, he was assaulted by questions and congratulations equally. He just smiled before answering as many as he could.

"Harry Styles! You said you were nervous but you dint look nervous at all." "Well, a friend of mine helped." He smiled warmly.

"Harry! Oh my gosh! I cannot believe that its actually you. It's you! You are real." "Yes, I am very much real love, and thank you." "I love you!" "love you too, Keep spreading the love, celebrate it! Embrace it! Have a wonderful day!" Harry heard the little girl squealing.

"Harry Styles! Mr. Styles? How do you think your parents will react after this very controversial speech of yours?" "They will support me as they have done throughout my life, sorry love no controversies here." He smiled.

"How does it feel to be an outcast?" Harry didn't answer.

"It is being said that you are in fact straight and being gay is just a publicity stunt. What do you have to say about that?"   
Harry gulped. "If you actually heard my speech, you wouldn't have asked me such a question." 

"Do you have a boy toy in your life currently ? Are you going to do anything about your rather open lifestyle?"   
"I am quite content with my life, thank you very much" 

"Harry! Please don't listen to them, they just want some headlines. WE LOVE YOUU!!"   
Finally he smiled, taking a deep breath he looked around, "Love you too, love you too, Keep loving, keep living! Do what makes you feel free. Always!" Harry said, above the crowd.

"Harry! I love you, please, and you give me courage, and I support you one hundred percent. You aren't wrong." "I know that now love, thank you so much. ALL YOUR WISHES, And I mean it, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU, you all mean so much to me."

There was a unison voice singing out, "WE LOVE YOU HARRY!" He smiled, grinning broadly, even though his heart was beating erratically. He just wanted to go home.

-*-

"That sounds lovely dear."

"Thanks mum. Did you get the email I sent-" Louis paused midway because he heard the door opening, Harry came in, balancing his journal, a bouquet and a wrapped package. Louis didn't get up to help, turning to his laptop again he said, "I'll talk to you later mum okay?"

"You never call Louis. I get worried sometimes. Don't let the things with you-"

"MUM! I just said I'll call you later. I Skyped you today right?"

"That was because I sent you a text complaining about you."

"Um, please, stop being so over dramatic. I'm fine, mum, im fine. I promise to call you ver soon, without you having to remind me."

"Okay then. I'll hold you up to that."

"Bye mum, love you."

"Take care Louis."

Louis closed the window an shut down his laptop. 

Harry was sitting on the bed, texting. "How was it? Did you blunder?"

Harry turned around to face him, "Not as much as I thought I would. It was a pretty good experience. The crowd was lovely and they were so nice, Louis, you should have seen their faces, did you see it?"

"See what?"

"I told you that the event was going to be telecasted live."

"Oh. No, sorry I forgot." 

Harry looked at Louis, not speaking for a while, then he shrugged, smiled and continued, "Anyway, it was wonderful and I really liked it."

Louis nodded, gesturing to the bouquet and the package, "You got those?"

"Yes, the organizer gave it. She told me that my speech was heartwarming. Asked me to come the next time when she hosts such an event again."

"What was it about?"

"The event?"

"No, your speech."

"Lgbt community and their rights."

Louis froze. He didn't know what to say, he nodded slowly and got up from his bed and into the bathroom because that was the only place where he could get privacy right now. He heard Harry calling out faintly from behind but he didn't respond. His mind was fogged and he needed breathing space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @__louisandharry_ on instagram  
> mikelagerra@hotmail.com


	4. 04

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> REMEMBER: Louis has no tattos and Harry only has those tats that are not related or speculated to be related to Louis.  
> Harry has long hair.

Harry woke up late. 

"Shit." he exclaimed seeing Louis' bed empty, meaning that Louis had already left for his classes,  meaning that he was terribly terribly late. 

He got up, made his bed, making a metal list in his mind. 

-Brushing

-Skip Shower

-Black Jeans and the first t-shirt/shirt that he sees.

-extra perfume

What else? what else? what am I forgetting? Oh!

-conceal dark circles

-tame these stupid curls

Tucking in the last sheet and fluffing out his pillows he made a dash into the bathroom, brushing quickly, taking in his appearance. 

_Okay, I DEFINITELY need concealer._

-

As Harry was slipping into his boots a red band came into his peripheral vision. Bending down to pick it up he tutted. 

It was Louis Identity card. The band must have gotten stuck and Louis didn't even notice.   

Slipping the card into his backpack he locked the room and went downstairs,taking out his car. Usually he never drove his car for such short distances, but he was really late. 

While driving he suddenly spotted Louis, walking in the opposite direction. He braked hard, and reversed his car stopping just beside Louis. 

"Where are you going?"

Louis looked frustrated and irritated, "Dorm. Why?"

"Just asking, because if it is only for your identity card then I have it."

"H-How?"

"Louis! Please, I'm getting really late. Hop in."

Louis for once did as asked without a second question. Harry sped up once again.

"I spotted it almost under my bed and I thought I would give it to you once I'm in college, since we usually have similar lunch timings. Its in my back pack, Front zip." Harry motioned to the back seat. 

Louis took out his card and attached the red band to the inside of his jacket. "Thank you, saved me a lot of time."

"No problem. Did you get to sit for the first lecture?"

"No. The guards wouldn't allow me without my card. Even though they know me. Highly highly annoying. Just not a good day."

"Yea." Harry parked the car smoothly and both f them got out, Louis handed him his bag pack and nodded before taking off. Harry smiled once before running off in the other direction, his hair flying behind him. 

 

-*-

 

Harry sat down next to Niall, starting to gobble down his food.

"Oh my gawd. ywo eatiwg faster than me. whats hawpenig?" Niall spoke while chewing his food, the Irish accent dripping heavily from his voice. 

Swallowing his burger, he laid back on his chair, burping slightly, and then covering it up with the back of his hand, chuckling softly, "Oh Niall! That was some food!. I hadn't eaten anything since morning. I skipped breakfast."

"Hw come?"

"Even I don't know man. I wake up at four everyday and follow my routine. I have no idea why I messed it up. I never mess with my routine."

"I know. You and your routine." Niall started on his second burger. 

"Maybe it was because of Louis.."

"Ywar roommate?" Harry nodded absently, "Yes.. I dunno. He kinda became awkward yesterday night. and I kept thinking about it. I told him that I spoke at the event about Lgbt rights and he sort of clamped up you know?"

Niall nodded, chewing his burger.

Harry continued, "And I tried talking to him but he locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn't come out. I waited and waited and after ages he comes out and slips into his bed and doesn't utter a single word. I know he hates to be disturbed when he is sleeping, so I didn't bother. But it was there in the back of my mind, you know? I mean, what if he is homophobic? What will I do then? Will he bully me? I had no idea. I was literally going through the worst possible scenarios that I could think of as to why he would just freeze up and become completely shut off after hearing the word Lgbt. But then if he was homophobic he wouldn't have been nice to me today morning when I gave him his id card. Hmm..I just don't know."

"Yea.. He kinda looks miserable too."

"What?" 

"That's him right?" Niall said looking straight ahead and gesturing with his head. Harry turned behind and saw Louis sitting in the very corner seat, alone, writing something, looking quite dull. 

He turned back around and before he could speak up Niall shook his head, "UH Oh!"

"What?"

"You have the concern face on Har."

"I have the what..?!"

"The concern face. That means that you will go there and talk to him, ask him whats wrong, is there anything you could do to help, to ease out his misery, to smoothen out his pain, to doing his laundry to make his life easier, to- to sprinkle glitter on him, to baptize his first chi-ld.. t-to nam.." Niall was laughing so hard at his own joke that he couldn't complete the sentence anymore.

Harry had a small smile on his face, "I'll be right back."

"Don't make false promises."

"Huh?"

"Baptizing his first child Fred or Freddie or something like that will take some time."

"Firstly, he doesn't have a child." Harry got up. "And secondly, even if he did, I would never baptize him Freddie." he scrunched up his nose and turned his back to Niall before he could come up with some silly remark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @__louisandharry_ on instagram  
> @mikelagerra on wattpad  
> Contact me through:  
> mikelagerra@hotmail.com


	5. 05

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Louis is elder to Harry. Two years.  
> (Please let me know if you all are liking it. Anything you would want? Anything at all, feel free to let me know. )  
> Thank You.  
> Keep reading! 
> 
> m.a.

"Hey Louis!"

Louis looked up startled and he closed the book he was writing in. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Can I sit down?" Harry smiled.

Louis looked confused. "Whatever."

Harry smiled and sat down, looking at the table he noticed that Louis had not touched his lunch apart from the two or three sips of water.

"Louis, you should eat. Why aren't you eating?"

"And why I am eating or not is your concern because..?"

Harry looked at him dead I the eye, "Because you are my friend. I care about you, your wellbe-"

"-Sorry to interrupt, but I am not your friend. And please don't. Don't come here and bother me with you excuses about being interested about my well being, about caring for me and just spit out the real reason why you are here. What do you want?"

Harry looked at him, a little stunned.

"Umm I-I just saw you sitting here, all alone, so I thought I would just come over and talk to you. See what you were doi-"

"I am alone, because I want to be alone. If I wanted to chit-chat I would have been with my friends okay?"

"Oh! Okay then. I was just trying to hel-"

"Fuck off. Please. Just.. just please fuck off. I don't need this- sorry I was helping you out drama in my life right now. Just do me a favor leave me alone. okay? Don't try and take care of me. I'm not your baby. I'm not even your friend for that matter."

Harry was completely blank. _Was he behaving this way because he is homophobic and it is a late reaction from yesterday's episode?_

"Why the fuck are you still sitting here?"

Harry got up and walked away as quietly as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @__louisandharry_ ~instagram  
> @mikelagerra ~wattpad  
> mikelagerra@hotmail.com ~ email


	6. 06

Louis was standing outside his dorm room since the past ten minutes. He couldn't find the courage to go inside after the way he'd spoke to Harry at lunch today. 

"You okay?" Louis snapped his head up, startled to see anyone at this time. 

"Umm.. yes..?" Louis wanted to cringe, he felt so out of place talking to this random person who was enquiring about him.

"Umm.. okay then if you are sure." 

Louis nodded and heaved a sigh of relief when she actually walked away. He knew that if he continued standing outside he would get more uncomfortable and he would end up sleeping on the doorstep and he didn't want Harry to see him in that state, so he took out his keys and unlocked the door.

 

-*-

 

Harry was on his bed tossing and turning. He had no idea why it was affecting him that much. Louis and he weren't even close! and its not as if he hasn't come across homophobic people in the past. He has dealt with a lot of hate.

_Is it okay for someone, anyone to talk to me or anyone else for that matter the way he did? Why? What have I done to him? Why is me being gay always such a huge problem with whoever lives with me. This is ridiculous. And why am I lying in bed like this? my go-_

Harry's phone vibrated. He checked the caller id and sat up straight. 

"Hello", he answered, his voice lower than natural.

"Harry?" 

"Speaking, who's this?" he teased.

"Zayn.."

Harry smiled a little, his heart beating fast, "Oh.. Hey!" he feigned nonchalance.

"Hi.. umm, I was just wondering if you were free tonight."

Harry bit his lip in anticipation, he was also nervous, "I have early lectures tomorrow, so I can't be out late."

"That's not an issue, I'll drop you back home as early as you want me to."

"Is it a party?"

"Yea, my friend recently came out of the closet so I thought of putting together a small party for him."

"Oh! All right. Where is it?"

"I'll send you the location."

"Okay. See you there."

"Harry?"

"Yea?"

"Go over the top."

Harry chuckled. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. Bring out the gay boy. Bring it all. You know I love it."

Harry swallowed, why is his voice so good? He groaned mentally, "Just send me the location. I'll see what I can do."

"See you soon Styles."

"See you soon..." 

Harry hung up, and sure enough his phone chimed with an incoming message. 

Checking out the address he smiled. 

It was one of his favorite gay clubs. Getting up from his bed he went to his cupboard. As soon as he opened the cupboard he heard the front door opening. Instinctively he turned around, his eyes locking with Louis'. 

Louis looked away immediately and Harry didn't know why, but it hurt. Shrugging it off, telling his mind to focus on the party, and on Zayn Malik, he started going through his clothes, thinking about what to wear.

_Over the top! Hah! If he wants over the top, he'll get over the top. Be ready Malik._ Harry grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @__louisandharry_ ~Instagram  
> @mikelagerra ~ wattpad  
> -  
> mikelagerra@hotmail.com ~ e-mail


	7. 07

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: please let me know if you like it! and i wanted to say thank you.  
> Happy Reading!  
> / m.a.

Louis sat down on his bed, taking out his books. He wanted to stay ahead of his class as usual, and he needed to distract himself from Harry and he needed to concentrate on his work, on studies. Exam week was fast approaching.

He couldn’t help it. 

_How am I supposed to concentrate if he keeps doing this. My god!_  
Louis willed himself to not look at his roommate right this very moment, because god save him. He was slipping into a jet black jacket which seemed to have rhinestones on it, near the collar and lapel.  
Concentrate. Studies.  
Louis saw Harry going through his drawers, trying to be as quite as possible, but it was to no avail. Louis was already distracted, and that couldn’t be helped. He was in no mood to tell him off again. He saw harry sit on his bed with a bottle of _black nail polish?_

-

Harry unscrewed the bottle and started applying the nail paint as cleanly as possible on his nails. He was very aware of Louis watching almost his every move, since he came out of the washroom dressed in his skin tight jeans and jacket. Harry was a little scared though; he didn’t want Louis to make rude comments again, so he refrained from asking his opinion on his outfit or anything. He didn’t even look at him, he was a little scared, but he didn’t want it to show. So he kept a straight face and went on about drying his nails.  
As soon as he was satisfied with the way his nails looked now, he kept the nail paint bottle away in his drawer. He opened a pouch and took out some foundation, applying it evenly all over his face and neck, behind his ears, and then took out his favorite eyeliner. 

_Over the top._

Harry giggled. He lined his eyes to perfection, winging it at the end dramatically. Darkening it he stood back, checking and hoping that both the sides were drawn it evenly and that he wouldn’t have to re-one one side. He was contemplating putting on fake eyelashes as well, but then he dropped the idea, thinking that it would be too much of a hassle to remove after he comes back from the party.  
Harry tousled his long wavy hair, and sprayed his jasmine scented hair perfume over it. Taking a few glitter tipped bobby pins he curled and braided and fastened a few stands of his curly hair. Lastly he went to his cupboard and took out his high heeled boots.  


Louis gasped.  
Harry heard it. He didn’t respond though, didn’t even look at him. The boots were leather, midnight black with laces and buckles and a heel well over five inches. His sister had gifted him these, and yes it was quite a sight!

Pulling them on was a task though. He sat on his bed tugging them into place for maybe ten minutes, maybe more. 

-

Louis couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Harry pulling out high heels from his cupboard. It looked like something a hooker might wear to look sophisticated. He gasped, and as soon as he gasped he clamped his hand over his mouth.  
_Shit. Harry must have heard it. Oh God! No. Why why cant I be left alone and in peace?_  
Louis was grateful that Harry didn’t comment over his gasp. 

It was totally involuntary, he wasn’t trying to do anything or provoke. But it seemed to him that Harry was purposely trying to get a reaction from him by pretending to wear those boots or heels or whatever they are called for more than fifteen minutes. 

At last Louis saw Harry get up and pick up a perfume bottle before spraying it all over his naked torso. Then Harry zipped up his jacket midway and took his cellphone and keys and his wallet.  
Louis didn’t know he was openly staring until Harry turned around, and their eyes locked for the second time this evening. But this time Louis couldn’t look away even if he wanted to.  
“Snap out of it.” Harry spoke, his voice low and held no trace of emotion. Saying so he smirked a little and walked out of the room closing the door behind him. 

As soon as the door closed, his smirk fell off and his lower lip trembled. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath.  
_You are strong Harry. You are strong. Don’t let one homophobic person make you feel this way._  
Reminding himself he walked towards his car.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning.

Louis sat frozen on his bed still looking at the door, as if he expected Harry to come back and say something else. 

_Snap out of it._  
These words kept repeating itself,over and over again. No matter what he tried he could not think of anything else, he couldn't block those words out.  
Louis shook his head, _those set of words, no. its okay. Its fine. He didn’t do it purposely_ , Louis tried to reason with himself. _Harry couldn't possibly know. no one did._

He closed his books and set them aside on his desk before falling into his bed, curling to one side. He tried to forget how badly those four words affected him.

 

_‘Snap out of it Louis! You aren’t gay.’_ His father’s voice rang in his head and before he knew it, he could feel a tear slipping out of his eye, running down the bridge of his nose, falling over his eyelid finally getting soaked by the pillow. It wasn’t long before Louis was crying himself to sleep. 

After the pillow was completely drenched, Louis couldn’t breathe anymore because his nose was clogged with snot and his eyes were bleeding. His throat was aching from holding back his sobs.   
_Why? Why am I not good enough? Why cant you see that being gay is not in my control? I cant change who I am attracted to? Why papa? Why? Please.. Just.. I’m sorry. I am so sorry for proving to be s-such a disappointment. If I could change this, could change being this way, I swear that I would. In an heartbeat, you know I would. But I cant. I cant, and that scares me. Will you never talk to me again?_

Louis was sitting cross legged on his bed, rocking his small body to and fro, almost as if it was swaying on its own accord to a rhythm. He was also shaking.

**Anything.**

He would do anything to stop feeling this way; to stop feeling so utterly helpless and miserable and unloved. 

**Worthless.**

He felt worthless. He knew that he was back on that awful path and if he didn’t control, didn’t stop himself from slipping away further into the mess of his own mind, there would be no coming back. But he couldn’t stop shaking. Couldn’t stop feeling the rejection, couldn’t stop himself from seeing the love his father had for him drain away as soon as he uttered those miserable two words. _I’m gay._

"Look at me now. Slobbering on my bed like a disgrace. Crying harder than a fucking baby. No wonder papa hated me. So weak. So weak. No wonder papa wanted nothing to do with me anymore." he said to himself.

Louis’ heart was trembling, slowly he stopped shaking; he needed a release.  
He needed to feel death.

 

He got of his bed gingerly and walked to the bathroom. Plugging the hole he let the ice cold water flow into the bathtub. He stood there looming over the bathtub for as long as it took for it to fill. He was feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing. But that wasn’t enough. He needed to feel as if he was slipping away. He needed to feel the darkness and let his mind touch emptiness.   
He needed to feel the stillness.

Louis stepped into the bathtub, his tracks sticking onto his slender legs, followed by his shirt clinging onto his torso for dear life. Once he was in the tub completely, he could start to feel something.  
He felt the water touch his body, willing it to touch his heart, touch his mind. He was shivering, but it wasn’t enough. Slowly he dipped his head below the surface holding himself underwater. 

And then he felt it.   
It was like switching on a button. All that he felt, each and every emotion came floating into his mind. He could feel every hair on his body, he could feel his heartbeat drop at a systematic rate, ringing in his ears, he could feel his throat clogging up, he could feel the water suffocating him.   
He could feel his mind grow dizzy and he could feel his lungs threatening to give up, he could feel his hand shaking, warning him to let go of the iron bar that he was clutching onto so tight to stay underwater, to stay in this state of nirvana like bliss, knowing that any moment the blackness that was seeping into his veins would become permanent.   
He started to lose his senses and when that happened he knew it was time.

He felt death;   
and he loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @_louisandharry__ Instagram  
> mikelagerra@hotmail.com


End file.
